Ahhh what the heck. . .

So good news I finally dragged my lazy shockingly big ass for a white girl to the apple store last week and fixed my computer! Go me. As I remembered how much I love my computer I found a few new pictures that I had taken randomly in New York. So for the sake of being random here we go.

Alexi and I must have taken a wrong turn on our way to a sex store because we somehow ended up in Barnes&Noble. At first we were extremely uncomfortable. . .I mean do we have to read, what section should we pretend to hang out in? And that's when we found the book we have both been waiting for. . .




This book is a QUICK read if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

The subways in New York never fail to gross to me out . . .I mean amaze me. Besides the occasional dick being pulled out in front of you, or the fat mexican construction worker using a packed train as an excuse to rub his burrito on your back, or the disgusting gathering of the human race in general, there are a few great things about it. For instance, apparently if your name is tiffany you get a seat with your name on it.



New York City Subways making dreams come true 24/7.

And last but certaintly not least. I have discovered the new summer fashion trend. Get your pens out Cosmo and GQ. Prepare yourselves for the CALF BRACELET. Oh yes!!! It's true.. . fuck your wrists its all about your calves this season.



Don't be a douche bag people or I'll catch you. No really I will. . .I'm becoming freakishly sneaky with my iphone camera. Its a little creepy but what the heck.

Reasons why girls hate going to bars.

Tiffany and I decided to grab a few drinks at a local bar in brooklyn last night.  It's a pretty calm, low key bar, not that busy of a place.  We find two seats at the bar and begin talking amongst ourselves.  Not two seconds later the dumbassity begins.  

And here is why girls stay home. . .

1. Fat guys with stutters that sit next to you and ask you dumb questions.  

Question #1: "Hey I have a ddddate on fffffrrrriiidddaayyyyy.  III was wondering wwwhhhhere IIII should take her?"

wow really fat man?  We really don't give a shit and telling a girl you already have a date really isn't a great tactic to get another date.

Question #2: "Have yyyyooouuuu eeever joined a dddating website like eeehhharrmony?"

So now you are basically calling me ugly and desperate.  Cool thanks!  Can I please give you my number now?  

2. Belligerent drunk morons who have oily faces and pimples that have their own fucking area code that hit on you.

Question: "So I noticed you and your friend went into the bathroom together.  What happens when two girls go to the bathroom together?"

Um first of all CREEPY!  Use your imagination retard.  What do you think we are doing wiping each others asses?

Question #2: "So like you want to slow dance to this song?"

Oh come on give me a fucking break. . . are you serious?  I'm at a bar douche fag not my eighth grade dance.  I haven't slow danced on purpose in years.  He might as well have asked me to build a model plane right there at the bar.  Could you be anymore boring??????  Where's the fat guy with the speech impediment? At least he made me laugh.

3. The desperate guy at the end of the night who clearly is just trying to get laid.

Question #1:  "Don't you want to get laid?  I'm really good in bed. I swear."

Oh wow.  Way to jump past all the other steps in a conversation.  I'm pretty sure I'm sitting at a bar not standing on a corner.  Thanks for the compliment assclown.  

Question #2: "Hey don't you think your friend should go home with me?"

HAHAHAHAHAHA  Absolutely not! And what makes you think our friends decide who we fuck?  I wouldn't wish your dick upon an AIDs infested ferret vagina.  Fuck off.

So guys, next time you are at a bar and you realized that you are one of these guys, do the female species a favor and walk yourself into the bathroom, take off your belt, and hang yourself with it.  Thanks.