Good Riddance, 2008!

It's Christmas day and I'm just about to get ready to go to Hollywood to hang with my family, keeping the 20-some year tradition of an overwhelming day of gluttony of food, presents, and hopefully alcoholic beverages. I guess this is where I am supposed to reflect on 2008 and make some promises of change for 2009.
But instead, I'd rather go through my top 10 moments of 2008, whether funny, random, ridiculous, or all of the above. In no particular order:
1. The day I watched the sun come up at a random house in downtown, and realized I was stranded. It must have been around 9am, and the only thing I knew to do was to call Paige. Considering I had NO money and NO car, Paige came to save the day. She told me to call a cab, and she went to the ATM, got out some money for me, and I was dropped off looking way worse than I probably felt, at the Sagamore, where Paige was working at the time. I got out of the cab, still in my heels and made the walk of shame to the pool deck where Paige was already sipping a bloody mary. Those were the days. I'm 100% positive we went out that night, too.
2. Telluride summer trip. I went on a private plane to Telluride, Colorado, where I spent 4 days with my best friend J. We went to a bluegrass festival, got drunk pretty much all day every day, and managed to come out of that trip closer than ever, after a few ups and downs. There is no place in the world I love more than Telluride, and no one I love more than my J! So it was a pretty sick trip, seeing the small town GREEN instead of snow-covered, as I'm used to.
3. The Chromeo show at the Fifth, South Beach. All of my friends from the grove, and the party kids were all in one place rocking out to one of my favorite live shows of the year. That same week, I'm pretty sure we saw Girl Talk at The Rat, too, so I just remember (barely) being really happy that I finally had all of my friends at the same venue with great music and lots of over-priced drinks! Whiz, Jennifer and I got pretty fucked up. That's always good.
4. LANGERADO! It was my first Music Festival ever, and though the trip to Big Cypress took longer than expected after Jennifer and I passed the exit 10 fold without realizing it, I still had one of the best weekends of my life. We saw some amazing shows, met some crazy-ass hippies, and finally on the last day (because of the shitty cell phone reception) we finally found Whit and Amanda, who were just as exhausted but content as we were. My favorite of the shows, which most of my friends know, was the nighttime Ghostland Observatory show, which featured the sexiest man alive, Aaron Behrens, a laser light show, and some sweaty dancing, while simultaneously getting pregnant watching Aaron sing. (no, really, just looking at him gets your eggo preggo.)
5. My 21st birthday. Just epic. I went to the Vagabond that Thursday night for an awesome celebration and countdown til midnight. I had a chocolate penis-shaped cake baked by the lovely Fiorella, and enough free drinks to make me feel really special, considering the majority of the hipsters I know are the cheapest human beings alive. Hey-- I'm not hating. It's true and you all know it :) Then I hopped on a plane to NEW YORK CITY, where I got in the day of my birthday to Greenpoint. It was rainy and cold, but nothing could stop Paige, Tiffany and I from having a fucking amazing night. We met up with Ryan and Jake at some swanky sushi restaurant, and I had so much fun that weekend, that I made a video of it, which I'm sure I've made most of you watch over and over. I explored the city with Jake, had brunch with Pagina and Jones, and had so much fun that I decided to move there for (the majority of) the summer. My friends really made my birthday epic.
6. Alexi's First McCarren Park Pool Party. Holy shat!!! It was amazing! Cold War Kids were playing, the sky unleashed its wrath upon hundreds of sweaty hipsters, I played on a giant slip n slide, got really fucking wasted, and partied afterwards on the coolest rooftop in Brooklyn! It was one of the first few days I was "living," in New York and it really set the tone for the rest of the summer. I really had never been so happy in my life than being able to dress like a fool, dance like a 6 year old on acid, and drink beers like I stole 'em! I think I may have actually stolen 'em. I dunno.
7. Camping in Key West! This was an excellent weekend. After having run 9 miles in the wee hours of the morning, I went over to Jonas's house, where we loaded the kayaks on to the car, packed up, and drove all the way down to mile marker 30 to do a little fishing, kayaking, and drinking. It was SO MUCH FUN. We met up with the rest of the crew, Whit, Monte and some fucking insane Aussies, and played Wizards (after every can of beer, you tape one to the next trying to eventually surpass your own height in beers.) It was a retarded night of singing, cooking, and playing on the beach. Jonas and I took some time to drunkenly explore the area of Bahia Honda, found some secret fishing spots, and really had a great time. I'm dying to go camping again!!!
8. Jaelyn coming home to Miami! We had way too much time apart and honestly, I'll never forget the look on her face when I showed up at the airport to get her while she was waiting for baggage claim. I NEVER park and go in and she always asks me to, so I decided I wanted to surprise her, and we made the HUGEST SCENE ever in the Miami airport. Then I took my princess in my magical carriage (Ok, fine, my beat up VW Golf) and we drank 2 really expensive bottles of wine that were hidden in her moms house, and later on in the weekend we brought the camera and went to South Beach and took some really amazing photos. It just felt awesome having my Jalie back in Miami!!!
9. Morning coffees with Whiz. Even though this isn't ONE exact day, it was really something special that we had going basically this entire semester. Every Tuesday and Thursday, I would go to my 8am class (bleh) and at 9:15am I'd cruise over to Whits, drink some coffee, have a smoke, and watch Golden Girls before she had to get ready for work. I guess I should probably talk about how amazing our Project Runway/Family Dinner nights were too, considering I'm on the topic of fun times in the grove house. My master chef Whiz would prepare a delicious dinner while we watched the previous week's PR for either the 2nd or 3rd time, and then when the new episode was on, me, Whit, Christian and Dax would all bring our dinner into the living room, smoke some pot and watch and critique the episode together. Yeah-- We were INTENSE!! hahahah!
10. Definitely have to add something in there about the huge commitment I've made to this half marathon training group. Giving up my Friday nights, and pretty much my Saturdays to devote to running this race has been probably the best thing that I've decided to do this year. As you can tell from all the other fun times that I've listed above, most of them have been pretty fucking wild. And FUN they were. But with this commitment I've made to basically change my life, I really am a lot happier than I was before. Yes- when my alarm goes off at 4:45am to wake up to run 11 miles, I sometimes question WHYYYY AM I DOING THISSSSS!!! But the best feeling I've had this whole year has been how much better my life has become with this change of pace. Absolutely everything is going amazing in my life right now, with school, work, friends, family, and I'm in the best shape I've been in since--- ever? Oh-- and I have a pretty awesome guy in that mix too. :)

GOOD BYE 2008!!!! IT'S BEEN FUN.... but I'm over it.

-a

A Few Things...

1. Wow @ those old pictures... I knew Dustin was hiding them somewhere. That night was fucking epic. We barely escaped a police bust at the world's quietest afterparty by hopping into an escape car... A BMW convertible that our friend just happened to be driving. Oh yeah, that's after I hid in the pantry next to the kitty litter. But I digress.
2. Paige is coming to Miami on Thursday, and every time I think about it, I pee myself a little bit.
3. I'm going running today for the first time in a *LONG* time. 4 miles used to be a breeze for me, let's see how it goes... If I make it out alive, I'll be sure to let the loyal BFB readers how it goes :)
4. These next 2 weeks are going to actually be AMAZING.
5. Halloween? Considering most of my friends are going to be out of town for my FAVORITE holiday of the year, I'm thinkin I need to do some serious planning instead of procrastinating as I normally do. Last year was retardedly amazing. Jane Fonda + Slutty Baseball player Paige = 3 nights of halloween amazingness. Ideas, anyone?
6. Dustin Edward Photography!!! You guys need to check out the awesome work of this cutie pie! It's the first link on the links on the righthand side. His photos are the ones that Paige posted below! Check out the site and while you're at it, check out Jason Tyler's myspace page for some jams, also on the list of links!

Zat is all.

Crimson

Crimson is talented. And weird. Just like his momma:


Too bad his dad is nowhere to be found.


Look! Mechanical Advantage 6 and Count Nauticals Von Poop Tooth also made a cameo!


Oh! And meet the newest member of the McShaderson family!

Update on Pagina's Status

10:13:00am- *Phone Call Received from Brutally Hungover Paige Elizabeth Padon*
10:13:00- Alexi: "Wow you must feel like a bag of crap."
10:13:09-Paige: "Oh. My. God. I want to die. I got literally 45 minutes of sleep. Like. Alexi. I blinked."
10:13:19- Alexi: "Ahhh, I feel soooo good today."
10:13:24- Paige: "I seriously want to die."
10:13:28- Alexi: "I'll call you back when I'm off work at 1. Told you so."
10:13:32- *Phone Call Terminated*

Dear Paige Elizabeth Padon, aka Lilly, aka, Pagina:

You just used me on the phone for 21 minutes while you waited for some delinquents (aka Figo) to meet you at the bar, in an effort to make you look less than dumb standing alone, most probably looking like a "working girl."

I will not tolerate this behavior anymore. And for your punishment, I would like you to call me at 8am when your class is starting telling me how shitty you feel, while I am already awake, caffeinated, and doing something productive, but without the hangover and the urge to kill myself, which I'm sure you will tell me you do.

And you now owe me 20 minutes of my life back. I don't even recall one thing we talked about in those 20 minutes. Except for you making fun of a handicapped female, which will send you straight to hell, in which there will be overly expensive drinks of Jack Daniels and Coca-Cola, which will only be served in too-strong shots. Contrary to what you are counting on, there will NOT be an open bar and lots of hot "bad boys."

Also, before I conclude, I would like to point out how you think it's funny that I am on anti-biotics and cannot drink or partake in anything besides going to work and coming straight home. And how you think my night just got "a little bit better!!" because of a Saved By The Bell marathon. I mention these things because there is nothing in the world that would make me happier than to slam back an absurd amount of Pabst Blue Ribbon while refusing to eat the hotdogs and tater tots they serve in the Trash Bar. Then, return home to lovely Greenpoint, in whichcase I would run my drunk ass upstairs, grab my skateboard, and ride it approximately 20 feet across the street to play some exhilarating rounds of skee ball, whilst refusing once more, free hotdogs.

Sidenote: Jessie Spano and Lisa Turtle have inspired my next outfit.

Nonetheless, I will remain here in this bed, loathing you and and the rest of my stupid friends in New York, until I eventually cry myself to sleep wondering why I came home in the first place, and then I will remember that some fucking retard stole my Macbook, and then I will be satisfied to know there is a burglar on the prowl in your area that is probably stealing your most prized posessions: Your Macbook, your vibrator, and Crimson. Yes-- I dragged the pussy into this. Twice.

Hope you puke from drinking for the first time tonight, and that Ryan laughs at you while it gets in your hair.

Your loving, PRETTY sidekick,
Alexi

ps. HAUUUUY

PAGINA: DAY AND NIGHT

Everyone knows the Pagina by night... the well-dressed, chi'ed-hair, the flawless makeup, the heels, the boobs (mechanical advantage 6 and count nauticals von poop tooth).... Like this:






But here is PAGINA EXPOSED!!!!! After all the glamour from the night before and all that it entails... this is the reason why my I love my Pagina!!!!!
Video chatting with a happy hungover Pagina and her pizza


She lives on coke....:

And she's really a BrainEater mwahahahah:


And lastly..... She's gonna kill me....



There you have it. It's not all glitz and glamour for this Brooklynite.... She does wake up hungover just like you and I ... and she puts one boob into her bra at a time... just like you and I.

-a

Ahhh what the heck. . .

So good news I finally dragged my lazy shockingly big ass for a white girl to the apple store last week and fixed my computer! Go me. As I remembered how much I love my computer I found a few new pictures that I had taken randomly in New York. So for the sake of being random here we go.

Alexi and I must have taken a wrong turn on our way to a sex store because we somehow ended up in Barnes&Noble. At first we were extremely uncomfortable. . .I mean do we have to read, what section should we pretend to hang out in? And that's when we found the book we have both been waiting for. . .




This book is a QUICK read if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

The subways in New York never fail to gross to me out . . .I mean amaze me. Besides the occasional dick being pulled out in front of you, or the fat mexican construction worker using a packed train as an excuse to rub his burrito on your back, or the disgusting gathering of the human race in general, there are a few great things about it. For instance, apparently if your name is tiffany you get a seat with your name on it.



New York City Subways making dreams come true 24/7.

And last but certaintly not least. I have discovered the new summer fashion trend. Get your pens out Cosmo and GQ. Prepare yourselves for the CALF BRACELET. Oh yes!!! It's true.. . fuck your wrists its all about your calves this season.



Don't be a douche bag people or I'll catch you. No really I will. . .I'm becoming freakishly sneaky with my iphone camera. Its a little creepy but what the heck.

Back to School

So today was supposedly the first day of the rest of my life blah blah blah. Um last time I checked I didn't want to start the rest of my life at 6:30 in the god damn morning thank you very much. I'm trying not to bitch but its my nature. So not only is it the butt crack of dawn but jesus christ "my best friend" decides to make it rain. . .hard. Thanks asshole. So in my shocked and damp state of confusion and self loathing I had to get on a subway for 40 min. Oh fun!!!!!!! Almost as much fun as I have listening to my crazy Grandmother "the meems" tell me how awesome her social life is at her independent living facility. Anyways despite the rough start the rest of my day was fairly interesting. Her is a short clip of me this morning.

Ok so fine thats not me . . .whatever. And I didn't take a school bus. And my name isn't Adam Sandler. And I don't make millions of dollars making increasingly unfunny movies. WHATEVER! Gosh.

Go Education.

Things I Miss About New York

1. Getting violated by my roomates:

2. Stealing my roomies' clothes:

3. Cheap PBR... or PBR in general:

4. Slip N Sliding using hipster sweat as lubricant!


5. Alcohol-induced cuddles:

6. Sketchy Greenpoint, BK, where my OBGYN puts posters of himself in a bowtie to entice the ladies to let him... ew... gross.


7.My family....

8. My Chef-Boy-R-Jew!:

9. My friends loving me even when I look like this:


10. Since I am the slowest walker of the group... Not seeing this everyday....


To quote my favorite band, LCD Soundsystem... "New York I love you, but you're bringing me down...."

Reasons why girls hate going to bars.

Tiffany and I decided to grab a few drinks at a local bar in brooklyn last night.  It's a pretty calm, low key bar, not that busy of a place.  We find two seats at the bar and begin talking amongst ourselves.  Not two seconds later the dumbassity begins.  

And here is why girls stay home. . .

1. Fat guys with stutters that sit next to you and ask you dumb questions.  

Question #1: "Hey I have a ddddate on fffffrrrriiidddaayyyyy.  III was wondering wwwhhhhere IIII should take her?"

wow really fat man?  We really don't give a shit and telling a girl you already have a date really isn't a great tactic to get another date.

Question #2: "Have yyyyooouuuu eeever joined a dddating website like eeehhharrmony?"

So now you are basically calling me ugly and desperate.  Cool thanks!  Can I please give you my number now?  

2. Belligerent drunk morons who have oily faces and pimples that have their own fucking area code that hit on you.

Question: "So I noticed you and your friend went into the bathroom together.  What happens when two girls go to the bathroom together?"

Um first of all CREEPY!  Use your imagination retard.  What do you think we are doing wiping each others asses?

Question #2: "So like you want to slow dance to this song?"

Oh come on give me a fucking break. . . are you serious?  I'm at a bar douche fag not my eighth grade dance.  I haven't slow danced on purpose in years.  He might as well have asked me to build a model plane right there at the bar.  Could you be anymore boring??????  Where's the fat guy with the speech impediment? At least he made me laugh.

3. The desperate guy at the end of the night who clearly is just trying to get laid.

Question #1:  "Don't you want to get laid?  I'm really good in bed. I swear."

Oh wow.  Way to jump past all the other steps in a conversation.  I'm pretty sure I'm sitting at a bar not standing on a corner.  Thanks for the compliment assclown.  

Question #2: "Hey don't you think your friend should go home with me?"

HAHAHAHAHAHA  Absolutely not! And what makes you think our friends decide who we fuck?  I wouldn't wish your dick upon an AIDs infested ferret vagina.  Fuck off.

So guys, next time you are at a bar and you realized that you are one of these guys, do the female species a favor and walk yourself into the bathroom, take off your belt, and hang yourself with it.  Thanks.

Flash Forward!

47 years down the road, meet Ms. Paige Padon-_______ <----insert last name here.



You know it's true.

Chinatown

Chinatown in NYC has just moved to #1 on my fears list. I am staying in a hotel in chinatown because of the unbearable heat. I walked three blocks to the nearest liquor store to buy some champagne and here are a few of the reasons why I am scared shitless.

CREEPY TRINKETS!!! WHO PLAYS WITH THESE? WHY?

Oh really sign? Oh really? Yea becuase I can understand what your trying to tell me. Not one sign in chinatown is readable, NOT ONE! I mean I get it "china" town but seriously they can't give a tiny translation underneath?

In case you can't see what these are. . . THEY ARE FUCKING EYEBALLS!!!!!! And the picture is blurry because I am running because I am realizing I am taking a picture of FUCKING EYEBALLS!!!

I'm not even sure what this shit is. What I do know is that it smelt like a mixture between asshole, rotten eggs, toenail fungus, and a 100 year old twat. Not even exaggerating. I don't think I will ever recover.

For those of you know me and about my fear of a****s, this now solidifies that fear. FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Surviving in the New York City HEAT.

In case you didn't get the memo NYC gets ridiculously hot in the summer. And because God hates me for obvious reasons, our air conditioner broke a couple days ago. The first night Tiffany and I tried to tough it out. I even took a job at a local bar cocktail waitressing just so I could stand in the A/C. We stayed awake that night until 7:30 in the morning because we could not fall asleep out of fear of drowning in our own sweat. We spent the whole day with our heads in the freezer.

Needless to say we were to the two biggest BITCHES when we finally woke up. We couldn't breath, we couldn't stop sweating, it was a fucking nightmare.

This was not going to work for us. So. . . . .we packed our bags and headed into the city, Park Ave to be exact and checked into a hotel. We bought snacks and alcohol.

I can safely say walking into our freezing cold hotel room was probably the happiest momment of my life. We jumped onto our beds:
Tiffany: "Oh my God! I'm swimming in cold air."
Paige: "Look at me! I'm making a snow angel."


Have you ever seen such happy girls???
Cheers to our scary awesome lives. . . .

Thank you Tiffany for being an only child. Ok time to go check into another hotel.

Super Professional Amazing Video!

Hello friends,
So last night as I was choosing what video I wanted to upload to youtube from New York, I decided it'd be so much better to just combine them all into one, because uploading takes SO long. So here is the video I made using iMovie with clips from my trip to New York in May. The music was very carefully chosen, and this literally took me a couple hours so just watch it and tell me how amazing I am.

Sidenote: yeah it's 9 minutes, but just watch it without skipping. It's pretty cool in my opinion.



Cool. Enjoy.

Bulletin Battles-- GLOBAL WARMING!

I woke up this morning to my myspace bulletins showing this:


Soooo being that my two future roommates are battling on the shitspace, I start opening them...











Wow. Never in my life have I wanted to click THIS button so badly...

Pictures that make me smile.

Here are some pictures that make me smile, and hopefully you can enjoy them too.


South Park, cause I, YESSSS IM SERIOUS, just watched it for the first time at the office the other day:


This guy's fucked:


My amazing shih tzu, Frankie, whose tongue has it mind of its own:


This is what happens when people wear capris to hipster clubs in New York:


We are so creepy:


Animal Cruelty is a no-no:


I don't know who these hands belong to, still, to this day... Last summer in MIA:


This is what happens when we get over-zealous with confetti:


Haaaa the gheyest club in Miami, so dumb that I forgot its name:


OLD!!


One of the first nights of Pagina/Lex bonding... over lotsa vodka of course...


mwahaha


Yes, that is flesh:


I swear we're best friends...


Zee end.