You just used me on the phone for 21 minutes while you waited for some delinquents (aka Figo) to meet you at the bar, in an effort to make you look less than dumb standing alone, most probably looking like a "working girl."
I will not tolerate this behavior anymore. And for your punishment, I would like you to call me at 8am when your class is starting telling me how shitty you feel, while I am already awake, caffeinated, and doing something productive, but without the hangover and the urge to kill myself, which I'm sure you will tell me you do.
And you now owe me 20 minutes of my life back. I don't even recall one thing we talked about in those 20 minutes. Except for you making fun of a handicapped female, which will send you straight to hell, in which there will be overly expensive drinks of Jack Daniels and Coca-Cola, which will only be served in too-strong shots. Contrary to what you are counting on, there will NOT be an open bar and lots of hot "bad boys."
Also, before I conclude, I would like to point out how you think it's funny that I am on anti-biotics and cannot drink or partake in anything besides going to work and coming straight home. And how you think my night just got "a little bit better!!" because of a Saved By The Bell marathon. I mention these things because there is nothing in the world that would make me happier than to slam back an absurd amount of Pabst Blue Ribbon while refusing to eat the hotdogs and tater tots they serve in the Trash Bar. Then, return home to lovely Greenpoint, in whichcase I would run my drunk ass upstairs, grab my skateboard, and ride it approximately 20 feet across the street to play some exhilarating rounds of skee ball, whilst refusing once more, free hotdogs.
Sidenote: Jessie Spano and Lisa Turtle have inspired my next outfit.
Nonetheless, I will remain here in this bed, loathing you and and the rest of my stupid friends in New York, until I eventually cry myself to sleep wondering why I came home in the first place, and then I will remember that some fucking retard stole my Macbook, and then I will be satisfied to know there is a burglar on the prowl in your area that is probably stealing your most prized posessions: Your Macbook, your vibrator, and Crimson. Yes-- I dragged the pussy into this. Twice.
Hope you puke from drinking for the first time tonight, and that Ryan laughs at you while it gets in your hair.
Your loving, PRETTY sidekick,
Alexi
ps. HAUUUUY
Thursday, July 31, 2008
An Afternoon Trip
Take a second and watch this video.... Let's just pretend for a few minutes that we accidentally ate magical mushrooms in our lunchtime salads, whaddya say?
Thanks Ryan "Skeezy" Jones for the video link!
Thanks Ryan "Skeezy" Jones for the video link!
iTunes Update!
PAGINA: DAY AND NIGHT
Everyone knows the Pagina by night... the well-dressed, chi'ed-hair, the flawless makeup, the heels, the boobs (mechanical advantage 6 and count nauticals von poop tooth).... Like this:
But here is PAGINA EXPOSED!!!!! After all the glamour from the night before and all that it entails... this is the reason why my I love my Pagina!!!!!
Video chatting with a happy hungover Pagina and her pizza
She lives on coke....:
And she's really a BrainEater mwahahahah:
And lastly..... She's gonna kill me....
There you have it. It's not all glitz and glamour for this Brooklynite.... She does wake up hungover just like you and I ... and she puts one boob into her bra at a time... just like you and I.
-a
But here is PAGINA EXPOSED!!!!! After all the glamour from the night before and all that it entails... this is the reason why my I love my Pagina!!!!!
Video chatting with a happy hungover Pagina and her pizza
She lives on coke....:
And she's really a BrainEater mwahahahah:
And lastly..... She's gonna kill me....
There you have it. It's not all glitz and glamour for this Brooklynite.... She does wake up hungover just like you and I ... and she puts one boob into her bra at a time... just like you and I.
-a
Zero to...
So this morning I woke up and decided that, after losing 3,000+ songs when that BASTAHHHD stole my laptop, today is going to be the day that I start re-building my sacred iTunes library. I've been going at it since about 9:15am and I am already close to 400 songs! Attention friends with good taste in music, I'm going to need some suggestions asap. It's crazy how it took me almost an hour to remember to download my precious Nirvana.
Interesting note: The first 2 artists I started guerilla downloading were The Rakes and The Arctic Monkeys.
Hmmm.... SEND ME SUGGESTIONS because I know I am missing some key artists!! Thanks.
Interesting note: The first 2 artists I started guerilla downloading were The Rakes and The Arctic Monkeys.
Hmmm.... SEND ME SUGGESTIONS because I know I am missing some key artists!! Thanks.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Guitar Hero update
I can barely type because my left hand is so cramped from shredding the shit out of a travel size guitar hero.... check out the rockstar in action:
The face of an addict.... I still play through the torturous cramps:
The face of an addict.... I still play through the torturous cramps:
Coolest. Thing. Ever.
My amazingly cool boss just whipped out the Guitar Hero for Nintendo DS.....
I am sooooo getting one!!!!!!
I am sooooo getting one!!!!!!
Tattoos=Hot.
On the right guy, with the right ink, in the right spot... tattoos can be extremely hot....
but other times... people fail miserably.... really dude?
but other times... people fail miserably.... really dude?
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
I am reading the fucking funniest book I've ever read in my life. This book, "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell," is funnier than I ever thought a book could be.
Tucker Max tells short stories about his sexual exploitation of women, his binge drinking escapades and his DON'T-CARE attitude that has made me realize the only time I can read this book is if I am in the privacy of my own room because if not, I will look like a total maniac in tears laughing at these ridiculous stories.
If there was ever a book that was a quick read and will make you piss your pants laughing, it is this one. This guy just does not give a fuck. He makes fun of women, fat people, rednecks, and cops. He drinks til he blows a .25 in his own personal breathalyzer, he shoots a load in womens' eyes, and he wakes up virtually every story covered in piss and vomit.
Sounds fun, right?
This is honestly the most entertaining collection I've ever read. Buy it. Borrow it. Steal it, who cares, just read it.
Here's what how he introduces himself:
"My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.
I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead."
If you want to read some of the short stories, go to tuckermax.com
Tucker Max tells short stories about his sexual exploitation of women, his binge drinking escapades and his DON'T-CARE attitude that has made me realize the only time I can read this book is if I am in the privacy of my own room because if not, I will look like a total maniac in tears laughing at these ridiculous stories.
If there was ever a book that was a quick read and will make you piss your pants laughing, it is this one. This guy just does not give a fuck. He makes fun of women, fat people, rednecks, and cops. He drinks til he blows a .25 in his own personal breathalyzer, he shoots a load in womens' eyes, and he wakes up virtually every story covered in piss and vomit.
Sounds fun, right?
This is honestly the most entertaining collection I've ever read. Buy it. Borrow it. Steal it, who cares, just read it.
Here's what how he introduces himself:
"My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.
I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead."
If you want to read some of the short stories, go to tuckermax.com
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
My Turn. . .because I'm lame.
Do you and your boyfriend or girlfriend fight a lot?
what's a boyfriend? Wait. . .I'm I missing something here?
Who is the craziest on your top friends?
I think it might be a three way tie between alexi mcrandom, ryan jonsifer mcstressful, and of course sonia mcshaderson
What is the last thing you got in trouble for with your parents?
becoming increasingly evil
What's more important to you, good grades or having fun?
it use to be good grades now its good beer
Where do you get your hair cut?
at the dentist. . .what a dumb fucking question
What's so great about the Jonas Brothers?
that they have never put there dicks in a vagina hahahaha what prude losers. . .come one guys everyone's doing it
Have your parents ever told you that you couldn't hang out with a certain someone?
yes. . .refer to my top friends for examples
Have you ever cleaned up someone else's vomit?
hell no do I look like a janitor to you. . .these hands went to college
Do you laugh at people with "bowl" haircuts?
I laugh at everyone so I guess im saying YES
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend get mad/jealous when you talk about the opposite sex?
seriously what is this "boyfriend" thing you keep talking about
Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided seeing them?
I purposely avoid all people in general
What was the last R-rated movie you watched?
batman
Who do you sit with on the bus?
bus? Um I'm not on welfare so no buses for me
Who was the last person you ate with?
ryan jones delivery . . .is there any other way?
Who was the last baby you held?
ew gross
What were you doing at 10 am?
sitting in drafting class holding my exacto knife to my wrist
Name everything you've eaten today?
are you implying im fat?
chicken sandwich
ice pops
chinese food
your brain
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone after midnight?
I text . . .
Would you have sex with someone you had known less than twenty four hours?
would I or have I? yes and yes
Do you secretly still talk to an ex?
no. . .too lazy and too over it
Who was the last person you got in a fight with? About what?
random people on my roof during the fourth of july. . .because tiffany and I enjoy being cunts
Do you and your siblings fight over the computer?
no I'm not 5 anymore
What's your last sent text say?
do you have the lube and condoms? haha just kidding
How's it going?
die
When did you last eat pizza and from were?
like a week ago proabably from dominos. . .not good
What did you last laugh at?
your face
Are you allowed to stay up later than 10pm on a weeknight?
hahahahahaha suck dick
Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
I would take them back just to beat them and then it would be over
Did you go to sleep happy last night?
sure
Do you continue fighting in an argument even though you're wrong?
Rule #1 Paige is never wrong. . .I swear. . .ask alexi
When was the last time you went swimming?
well i have a pool on my roof so. . .
On average, what do you think you cry about the most?
other peoples stupidity. . .although I really think I lost the ability to produce tears
Do you still shave your legs in the winter?
yes becuase I'm a slut and I must always be prepared
Do you get crunk every weekend?
don't ever use the word crunk again. . .no seriously thats totally lame. . .
Do you like ferris wheels?
yea
How many girls would you just love to punch in the face?
omg soooo many
Have you ever slept in contacts?
20/20 bitch
Are you related to anyone named Blake?
yes unfortunalty
Do you whiten your teeth with Crest White Strips?
Do you have any relevant questions?
Have you seen the movie, Thirteen?
yes
Don't you just wanna stab someone with a fire poker?
absolutely who doesn't?
How long was your last phone call?
i don't know. .
Are you in a good mood?
im sober sooo ehhh i could be happier
Miss someone?
of course i miss alot of people
Do you miss your past?
hell no
Are you tan?
nope. . . thanks new york
Are you excited about anything?
this being over
Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
no human contact is overrrated
I'm not going to lie I kind of hate myself for just doing that but it happened so DEAL.
what's a boyfriend? Wait. . .I'm I missing something here?
Who is the craziest on your top friends?
I think it might be a three way tie between alexi mcrandom, ryan jonsifer mcstressful, and of course sonia mcshaderson
What is the last thing you got in trouble for with your parents?
becoming increasingly evil
What's more important to you, good grades or having fun?
it use to be good grades now its good beer
Where do you get your hair cut?
at the dentist. . .what a dumb fucking question
What's so great about the Jonas Brothers?
that they have never put there dicks in a vagina hahahaha what prude losers. . .come one guys everyone's doing it
Have your parents ever told you that you couldn't hang out with a certain someone?
yes. . .refer to my top friends for examples
Have you ever cleaned up someone else's vomit?
hell no do I look like a janitor to you. . .these hands went to college
Do you laugh at people with "bowl" haircuts?
I laugh at everyone so I guess im saying YES
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend get mad/jealous when you talk about the opposite sex?
seriously what is this "boyfriend" thing you keep talking about
Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided seeing them?
I purposely avoid all people in general
What was the last R-rated movie you watched?
batman
Who do you sit with on the bus?
bus? Um I'm not on welfare so no buses for me
Who was the last person you ate with?
ryan jones delivery . . .is there any other way?
Who was the last baby you held?
ew gross
What were you doing at 10 am?
sitting in drafting class holding my exacto knife to my wrist
Name everything you've eaten today?
are you implying im fat?
chicken sandwich
ice pops
chinese food
your brain
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone after midnight?
I text . . .
Would you have sex with someone you had known less than twenty four hours?
would I or have I? yes and yes
Do you secretly still talk to an ex?
no. . .too lazy and too over it
Who was the last person you got in a fight with? About what?
random people on my roof during the fourth of july. . .because tiffany and I enjoy being cunts
Do you and your siblings fight over the computer?
no I'm not 5 anymore
What's your last sent text say?
do you have the lube and condoms? haha just kidding
How's it going?
die
When did you last eat pizza and from were?
like a week ago proabably from dominos. . .not good
What did you last laugh at?
your face
Are you allowed to stay up later than 10pm on a weeknight?
hahahahahaha suck dick
Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
I would take them back just to beat them and then it would be over
Did you go to sleep happy last night?
sure
Do you continue fighting in an argument even though you're wrong?
Rule #1 Paige is never wrong. . .I swear. . .ask alexi
When was the last time you went swimming?
well i have a pool on my roof so. . .
On average, what do you think you cry about the most?
other peoples stupidity. . .although I really think I lost the ability to produce tears
Do you still shave your legs in the winter?
yes becuase I'm a slut and I must always be prepared
Do you get crunk every weekend?
don't ever use the word crunk again. . .no seriously thats totally lame. . .
Do you like ferris wheels?
yea
How many girls would you just love to punch in the face?
omg soooo many
Have you ever slept in contacts?
20/20 bitch
Are you related to anyone named Blake?
yes unfortunalty
Do you whiten your teeth with Crest White Strips?
Do you have any relevant questions?
Have you seen the movie, Thirteen?
yes
Don't you just wanna stab someone with a fire poker?
absolutely who doesn't?
How long was your last phone call?
i don't know. .
Are you in a good mood?
im sober sooo ehhh i could be happier
Miss someone?
of course i miss alot of people
Do you miss your past?
hell no
Are you tan?
nope. . . thanks new york
Are you excited about anything?
this being over
Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
no human contact is overrrated
I'm not going to lie I kind of hate myself for just doing that but it happened so DEAL.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Thanks Whiz.
01: What's a fact about the last person who text messaged you?
She's a pain in the ass.
02: Its 4 in the morning, and your phone rings.....and what do you do?
depends who's calling....
03: What is your favorite thing to eat?
whitney's guac!
04: Where was your default picture taken?
The standard pool!
05: Do you watch The Hills?
eh
06: What do you currently hear right now?
typing and lotsa misc office noises
07: What do you think your number 1 is doing right now?
being a bum on her day off
09: Who would be the first person to know if you got arrested?
definitely not my parents.
10: What was the last thing you ate?
a twizzler
11: Can you sleep in jeans?
nudity.
(#12 and 13?)
14: Who was the last person you were in a car with?
whiz, monte and kevin on the way back from bingo!
15: Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
... yes?
16: Do you care what others think about you?
definitely not... can't you tell?
17: Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
uhhh... wow. yeah? no? i hope?
18: Did you have a good day?
i feel like im getting sick. and this chair is extremely uncomfortable. not a good day
19: What do you look forward to in the next 3 months?
being that much closer to graduation, hollerween! (me and obi have costume plans), and less mosquitos.
20: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
most ppl i trust are from the opposite sex.
21: Who was the last person you called?
mother...
22: What was the last thing you laughed really hard about?
"Here comes that feeling again... my dick is in a pussy." -- Whitney's lovely boyfriend Monte.
23: When was the last time you got flowers?
Jaelyn sent me some for my bday!!!
24: Do you plan on moving in the next year?
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
25?
26: What are your plans for the weekend?
the same this we do every weekend! sun, margs, dancing, pothead activities, skateboarding drunk in downtown? the usual!
(Where's 27??)
28: Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
hahahha @ whitney's response (American Apparel, duh!) Mine, thrift... fuck yeah!
29: Do you like winter?
very. very. much. especially if mountains are involved.
30: Do you regret anything?
short term regrets, not going to sleep earlier this weekend, long term regrets... yeaaaaah.... but i'd rather regret doing something than regret NOT doing something... which has led me to this lovely life.
31: Do you enjoy late night phone conversations?
very much
32: What are you doing tomorrow?
working ....
(What happened to 33 and 34??)
35: Do you think you're approachable?
absolutely
36: How late did you stay up last night?
about 2:30am... oops.
She's a pain in the ass.
02: Its 4 in the morning, and your phone rings.....and what do you do?
depends who's calling....
03: What is your favorite thing to eat?
whitney's guac!
04: Where was your default picture taken?
The standard pool!
05: Do you watch The Hills?
eh
06: What do you currently hear right now?
typing and lotsa misc office noises
07: What do you think your number 1 is doing right now?
being a bum on her day off
09: Who would be the first person to know if you got arrested?
definitely not my parents.
10: What was the last thing you ate?
a twizzler
11: Can you sleep in jeans?
nudity.
(#12 and 13?)
14: Who was the last person you were in a car with?
whiz, monte and kevin on the way back from bingo!
15: Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
... yes?
16: Do you care what others think about you?
definitely not... can't you tell?
17: Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
uhhh... wow. yeah? no? i hope?
18: Did you have a good day?
i feel like im getting sick. and this chair is extremely uncomfortable. not a good day
19: What do you look forward to in the next 3 months?
being that much closer to graduation, hollerween! (me and obi have costume plans), and less mosquitos.
20: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
most ppl i trust are from the opposite sex.
21: Who was the last person you called?
mother...
22: What was the last thing you laughed really hard about?
"Here comes that feeling again... my dick is in a pussy." -- Whitney's lovely boyfriend Monte.
23: When was the last time you got flowers?
Jaelyn sent me some for my bday!!!
24: Do you plan on moving in the next year?
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
25?
26: What are your plans for the weekend?
the same this we do every weekend! sun, margs, dancing, pothead activities, skateboarding drunk in downtown? the usual!
(Where's 27??)
28: Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
hahahha @ whitney's response (American Apparel, duh!) Mine, thrift... fuck yeah!
29: Do you like winter?
very. very. much. especially if mountains are involved.
30: Do you regret anything?
short term regrets, not going to sleep earlier this weekend, long term regrets... yeaaaaah.... but i'd rather regret doing something than regret NOT doing something... which has led me to this lovely life.
31: Do you enjoy late night phone conversations?
very much
32: What are you doing tomorrow?
working ....
(What happened to 33 and 34??)
35: Do you think you're approachable?
absolutely
36: How late did you stay up last night?
about 2:30am... oops.
BINGO!
So last night at the request of Little Whizzle, my buddies and I went to The Standard hotel on Miami Beach to partake in a hobby of mine, Sunday Night "Not Your Grandmother's Bingo." This started a while back, and I cannot believe how packed it was! I remember back in the day when people didn't really know about it and I certainly didn't have to sit on the floor because there was no more room in the lobby. But nevertheless, packed night, great music, me never winning as usual.
Until.... after a few hours of sweating due to no air conditioning, and a numb lower half of my body due to sitting on a hard floor for so long, I realized... Holy Shat!!! Bingo!
So I went up there hoping my prize would be a bar tab, or something along the lines of that. And what do they give me? The totally half naked lady gives little old me a WEEK membership to the hotel and spa! Yeah.... um.... awesome? Way better than the free "Rub N' Scrub," masage that Monte won. High Five!!
Until.... after a few hours of sweating due to no air conditioning, and a numb lower half of my body due to sitting on a hard floor for so long, I realized... Holy Shat!!! Bingo!
So I went up there hoping my prize would be a bar tab, or something along the lines of that. And what do they give me? The totally half naked lady gives little old me a WEEK membership to the hotel and spa! Yeah.... um.... awesome? Way better than the free "Rub N' Scrub," masage that Monte won. High Five!!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Pool at The Standard Today!
Amazing day, Whiz is off work... time for the Standard pool and spa!!!!!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Ahhh what the heck. . .
So good news I finally dragged my lazy shockingly big ass for a white girl to the apple store last week and fixed my computer! Go me. As I remembered how much I love my computer I found a few new pictures that I had taken randomly in New York. So for the sake of being random here we go.
Alexi and I must have taken a wrong turn on our way to a sex store because we somehow ended up in Barnes&Noble. At first we were extremely uncomfortable. . .I mean do we have to read, what section should we pretend to hang out in? And that's when we found the book we have both been waiting for. . .
This book is a QUICK read if you know what I mean. And I think you do.
The subways in New York never fail to gross to me out . . .I mean amaze me. Besides the occasional dick being pulled out in front of you, or the fat mexican construction worker using a packed train as an excuse to rub his burrito on your back, or the disgusting gathering of the human race in general, there are a few great things about it. For instance, apparently if your name is tiffany you get a seat with your name on it.
New York City Subways making dreams come true 24/7.
And last but certaintly not least. I have discovered the new summer fashion trend. Get your pens out Cosmo and GQ. Prepare yourselves for the CALF BRACELET. Oh yes!!! It's true.. . fuck your wrists its all about your calves this season.
Don't be a douche bag people or I'll catch you. No really I will. . .I'm becoming freakishly sneaky with my iphone camera. Its a little creepy but what the heck.
Alexi and I must have taken a wrong turn on our way to a sex store because we somehow ended up in Barnes&Noble. At first we were extremely uncomfortable. . .I mean do we have to read, what section should we pretend to hang out in? And that's when we found the book we have both been waiting for. . .
This book is a QUICK read if you know what I mean. And I think you do.
The subways in New York never fail to gross to me out . . .I mean amaze me. Besides the occasional dick being pulled out in front of you, or the fat mexican construction worker using a packed train as an excuse to rub his burrito on your back, or the disgusting gathering of the human race in general, there are a few great things about it. For instance, apparently if your name is tiffany you get a seat with your name on it.
New York City Subways making dreams come true 24/7.
And last but certaintly not least. I have discovered the new summer fashion trend. Get your pens out Cosmo and GQ. Prepare yourselves for the CALF BRACELET. Oh yes!!! It's true.. . fuck your wrists its all about your calves this season.
Don't be a douche bag people or I'll catch you. No really I will. . .I'm becoming freakishly sneaky with my iphone camera. Its a little creepy but what the heck.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Weird Dreams and Dream Houses
Last night I had a wild dream that I was on the moon with friends and family, and we actually just moved there. It was completely normal in the dream, meaning it wasn't as weird as it sounds now. After having this dream and waking up feeling like a bag of shit from last night, I was surprised of how much detail I actually remember...
So I went on thecoolhunter.com (sick website) and found this hotel/residence on an exclusive island off the coast of New Zealand. And regardless of anything else, these pictures would have caught my attention, but I realized that house looks scary similar to the Moon House I was moving into in my dream last night! Take away the beautiful blue skies and intense green and change it for darker, more outer-spacey environment and I shit you not, that is the house.
Woah!!!!!! So here's a few pics of this amazing architectural beauty!!!!
So I went on thecoolhunter.com (sick website) and found this hotel/residence on an exclusive island off the coast of New Zealand. And regardless of anything else, these pictures would have caught my attention, but I realized that house looks scary similar to the Moon House I was moving into in my dream last night! Take away the beautiful blue skies and intense green and change it for darker, more outer-spacey environment and I shit you not, that is the house.
Woah!!!!!! So here's a few pics of this amazing architectural beauty!!!!
How Do YOU Feel About This 1.
While some of my best friends are all shrooming at Bisco right now in Albany, I am laying in bed listening to dirty 90's grunge rock in steaming hot SoFla unable to sleep, and socially retarded at the current moment.
Random. Yes.
Random. Yes.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Reminds me of my summer...
From the makers of the Hipster Olympics.... Life in Brooklyn by some really clever kids
Some Videos
Last night Whiz and I watched some fucking awesome videos.... Some are old... some are new.
Some are not going to be funny to you... and all of this does not matter to me at all. Watch, or don't.
A drunk history (Credit to my favorite ghey!)
Ben Franklin liked to fuck.
You're not the only one with issues!!!
Brought to you by Paps Blue Ribbon!
Some are not going to be funny to you... and all of this does not matter to me at all. Watch, or don't.
A drunk history (Credit to my favorite ghey!)
Ben Franklin liked to fuck.
You're not the only one with issues!!!
Brought to you by Paps Blue Ribbon!
Random List.
What a weird day...
1. Got an awesome new Blackberry Curve!
2. pretty much blacked out last night!
3. just watched some ghey dude dj over video chat thousands of miles away... "MOVING OUT."
4. got my job back at the agency... YES!! I hate fucking unemployment!
5. ahhh miami....Finally feeling like I'm home again.. good to be back.... but fuck, i miss new york.
6. I could be in Albany at Bisco!!!!!!!!!
7. Almost got in a Paige&Tiffany-esque fight with a dude 2 times my size last night....
Feed me, minorities! Off to get some sushi.
1. Got an awesome new Blackberry Curve!
2. pretty much blacked out last night!
3. just watched some ghey dude dj over video chat thousands of miles away... "MOVING OUT."
4. got my job back at the agency... YES!! I hate fucking unemployment!
5. ahhh miami....Finally feeling like I'm home again.. good to be back.... but fuck, i miss new york.
6. I could be in Albany at Bisco!!!!!!!!!
7. Almost got in a Paige&Tiffany-esque fight with a dude 2 times my size last night....
Feed me, minorities! Off to get some sushi.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Harry, My Pet Spider
Alright. Everyone that knows me knows I'm pretty random... And this is going to take the cake for sure. But I have to let you all know the story about my pet spider named Harry. I am quite an animal lover, except for snakes, so they should all die a slow painful death... but spiders don't really bother me, so I'd like to share this story.
One drunken night, I came home, popped the screen out of my bathroom window and feasted on a nice Parliament Light. I was in one of those FUBAR states to the point where I ended up noticing a little spider that made a tiny little web right on my windowsill, and I thought he was cool so I named him Harry.
Every time I go to my "smoking window," I check up on the little dude. Well, I have to tell you, since I went away to New York, this motherfucker has built the most intricate, complex fortress of a web I have ever seen in my life. A few of my buddies can vouch for me that I have watched this guy go from having a studio apartment to a fucking oceanside mega-mansion. Pretty soon I am going to be paying my little arachnid neighbor rent, as he is pretty much taking over my smoking window.
If I had a camera that could shoot the complexity of this web, I would surely snap a pic and put it up here, but for now, just imagine it yourself. I'm talking super-duper-Malibu Barbie mansion that you got for christmas when you were 7. But spider style. This guy is fucking badass. Here's to you, Harry. Cheers.
One drunken night, I came home, popped the screen out of my bathroom window and feasted on a nice Parliament Light. I was in one of those FUBAR states to the point where I ended up noticing a little spider that made a tiny little web right on my windowsill, and I thought he was cool so I named him Harry.
Every time I go to my "smoking window," I check up on the little dude. Well, I have to tell you, since I went away to New York, this motherfucker has built the most intricate, complex fortress of a web I have ever seen in my life. A few of my buddies can vouch for me that I have watched this guy go from having a studio apartment to a fucking oceanside mega-mansion. Pretty soon I am going to be paying my little arachnid neighbor rent, as he is pretty much taking over my smoking window.
If I had a camera that could shoot the complexity of this web, I would surely snap a pic and put it up here, but for now, just imagine it yourself. I'm talking super-duper-Malibu Barbie mansion that you got for christmas when you were 7. But spider style. This guy is fucking badass. Here's to you, Harry. Cheers.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Back to School
So today was supposedly the first day of the rest of my life blah blah blah. Um last time I checked I didn't want to start the rest of my life at 6:30 in the god damn morning thank you very much. I'm trying not to bitch but its my nature. So not only is it the butt crack of dawn but jesus christ "my best friend" decides to make it rain. . .hard. Thanks asshole. So in my shocked and damp state of confusion and self loathing I had to get on a subway for 40 min. Oh fun!!!!!!! Almost as much fun as I have listening to my crazy Grandmother "the meems" tell me how awesome her social life is at her independent living facility. Anyways despite the rough start the rest of my day was fairly interesting. Her is a short clip of me this morning.
Ok so fine thats not me . . .whatever. And I didn't take a school bus. And my name isn't Adam Sandler. And I don't make millions of dollars making increasingly unfunny movies. WHATEVER! Gosh.
Go Education.
Ok so fine thats not me . . .whatever. And I didn't take a school bus. And my name isn't Adam Sandler. And I don't make millions of dollars making increasingly unfunny movies. WHATEVER! Gosh.
Go Education.
Tell me this doesn't take you back.
Ok sorrrrryyyyyyyyyyy It's been awhile but I'm lazy. . .we all know this. Anyways while I was hiding out in Ryan's ice pop den this weekend, we rediscovered one of our favorite shows. I totally forgot this show even existed. Are you afraid of the Dark? And I have to be honest it still scared the shit out of me. The intro alone makes me want to jump on the first flight back to Florida and hide under my parents bed. hahahaha yea right. . . who am I kidding. . . I'm never going home.
Tell me that wasn't a blast from the past. Woah. To be eight again.
Oh and I have a new found love for delivery. I also discovered its even more fun when you live one the fifth floor and you get to lay in bed knowing that the poor mexican immigrant is questioning his long journey to America to be "free" because he has to carry your chicken sandwich with a side of fries up 5 flights of fucking stairs. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I love new york almost as much as I love exploiting minorities. Sigh.
Tell me that wasn't a blast from the past. Woah. To be eight again.
Oh and I have a new found love for delivery. I also discovered its even more fun when you live one the fifth floor and you get to lay in bed knowing that the poor mexican immigrant is questioning his long journey to America to be "free" because he has to carry your chicken sandwich with a side of fries up 5 flights of fucking stairs. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I love new york almost as much as I love exploiting minorities. Sigh.
Best Venues in NY
Here's a quick list of the places that I loved the MOST in NY!
1. The Slaughtered Lamb
2. The Trash Bar Basement!
3. Double Down... where a mechanic pony fell in love with Pagina...
4. Lost and Found because it was a. across the street from my home and b. the skee ball is competitive c. you can find this stoner drinking $3 stellas that comes with a free hotdog!
5. Rooftop in Greenpoint Brooklyn... where everything from swimming laps in a blow up pool to robbery on National Holidays goes down:
1. The Slaughtered Lamb
2. The Trash Bar Basement!
3. Double Down... where a mechanic pony fell in love with Pagina...
4. Lost and Found because it was a. across the street from my home and b. the skee ball is competitive c. you can find this stoner drinking $3 stellas that comes with a free hotdog!
5. Rooftop in Greenpoint Brooklyn... where everything from swimming laps in a blow up pool to robbery on National Holidays goes down:
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